Calling all dog lovers – especially of bossy little dachshunds!
My adorable miniature long-haired dachshund Bertie has had his diary published. Bertie’s Diary is full of humour, and his own illustrations and photos, as he takes us through the ups and downs in his life.
Bertie the dachshund is the ’Adrian Mole’ of the dog world and, like Adrian, writes a very personal account of the world as he sees it.
Bertie’s Diary takes us through the memorable times in his life with humour and affection – even Prods (Newmum’s young’un) is treated with empathy by this canine scribbler.
If you are a Pet Parent – a word of warning – don’t leave your laptop unattended because you never know what you might come back to…………
I do lots of things to get myself noticed as I’m special and beautiful and handsome. In fact I believe I am a prince of cats. And, apparently it’s my birthday – or Kitten Day as we call it – and I am one year old. I have had a card made by my mum – nice but it’s not a shiny thing and I can’t eat it – I’ve tried. Me and my sister Bella had a tin of tuna for supper with a fiery stick stuck in it. My mum sang something dreadful and blew out the fiery stick and me and Bella tucked into the tuna. Delicious!
I then spotted the pot – just sitting there all empty – so I jumped in it when Mum wasn’t looking and I fitted in quite well I thought. Mum turned round and laughed – I have no idea why as I thought I looked very dignified – and then grabbed her silver shiny thing that flashes and flashed it at me several times.
The shiny thing that flashes captures me as a picture and Mum is well pleased and tells me I am a very special cat. And so I am – I can even catch spiders but I don’t eat them – I leave that to my sister Bella – she has no idea what dignity means and looks stupid with the wiggly legs sticking out of her mouth. Mum does not point the shiny thing that flashes at Bella.
I felt a bit sorry for silly Bella and so I gave her a birthday cuddle – after all it’s her Kitten Day as well.
Hoorah! It’s Friday and Mum doesn’t leave us on Fridays – she stays with me and Bella all day long and we have lots of cuddles and treats and things and pretend to be meercats. Already I have made Mum turn on the kitchen tap twice so that I can lick the water – and she didn’t even mind a bit! I don’t like water in a bowl.
Big Fella has gone through the outside door and we won’t see him until it’s dark again. He had my favourite for breakfast and so I have just licked the plate clean but Mum still insists on putting it into bubbly water. Why! I didn’t leave anything on it at all.
I have hidden my shiny things in another place and even the lady who comes in and makes things all clean and smelling lovely couldn’t even find them. Ha ha! Bella is not interested in my shiny things – she only likes her old grey mouse and that’s not shiny at all. She hides her mouse in Big Fella’s bed which is a bit silly ‘cos I don’t want her mouse one little bit.
Me and Bella are off upstairs now to Mum’s bed for the early morning snooze. After that we will run around the house really fast, climbing and jumping and having fun! Last time I knocked a thing onto the floor and it turned into lots of little things and made a loud noise so I ran away and hid and Mum didn’t even know I made it happen!
I love my Mum and in the night I lick her face and purr very loudly so that she knows this. Then I try to take her water cup – which is very shiny thing indeed – and she wakes up and says “Oh Lucca! It’s two o’clock”, whatever that means. The water cup shiny thing is a bit big and I usually knock it over and it makes the floor all wet but Mum doesn’t mind.
Even though Mum doesn’t purr or lick my face, I know she loves me to bits ‘cos she strokes my fur and squeezes me a bit tight and says “Oh my Lucca Lucca baby!”
Me and Bella woke up this morning at 4.20am – tried to wake up the Big Fella for breakfast but he’d locked his bedroom door. Won’t try and wake our Mum – she get’s testy before 6am – so went back to sleep – lovely and snuggly on the new purple fleece blanket Mum has added to her bed.
Hoorah – Big Fella is up and we charged down to breakfast – same old same old Iams but they’re s’posed to be good for us – you try ’em.
Quick dooby dooby doo – me and Bella have our own latrines – partly ‘cos we always wanted to go at the same time and one of us invariably had an accident when there was only one – so Mum got another – she’s really clever and caring our mum – and we charge back up to bed to carry on with the early morning snooze.
Mum is still sleeping so I stand on her chest and watch her face – right up close like – for any signs of waking – I’ve found that my cat breath is the quickest way to make her open her eyes. So I blow and – hoorah – she squints her eyes and says ‘Morning Sweeties’. And the day has begun!
After drinking water from the dripping tap and licking out the baked bean tin (Big Fella likes this for breakfast – no Iams for him!) – I jump onto Mum’s box of lights and strange moving things called a pewter and roll all over it. Mum shouts out ‘Thanks a lot Lucca – you’ve just bought a moth eaten Muffin the Mule for twenty-one pounds!’ I’m not sure what this means but it does sound a bit rude!
1.15pm and it’s time for a treat. We have lovely stick treats of fish and chicken and liver and other tasty bits and we have to sit up like meercats to accept them from Mum ‘cos it makes her smile. When Big Fella gives them to us we scratch and bite his fingers and he yells out and Mum tells him he is a whimp because we are lovely gentle creatures.
Big Fella and Mum call us ‘The Creatures’ and we like that ‘cos it means we have been created – which is lovely and we are special.